Defenses

So, I have to start by apologizing to my loyal readers: apologies for the disappointment. I've just been on a roller coaster ride of procrastination. If I heaven't responded to any of your mails, kindly send a reminder. My inbox can be a mess sometimes. 

Another apology for not having wished you a happy new year earlier, I am remorseful.

So, I have this new attitude of starting my sentences with "so" do bear with that.

I actually thought about something that made me put aside my attitude towards this page and just "do it".

Defenses!!!

What are defenses?

I am neither going to bore you with the dictionary definition of that word nor try to explain what it means but I'll tell you why it is the topic.

Okay, now I think I have to give it a definition.

"Fighting back" or "Resisting" simple and short. You won't need a defense if there is no attack, thus the definition.

I observed in quite a number of people that certain attitudes or behaviors are formed to serve as defenses towards a lot of things; mostly pain.

Ever heard of defense mechanism? Take the chameleon for an example, it camouflages to the look of its environment to protect itself from predators. That's a perfect example of defense mechanism.

For we "higher animals" we are not exactly protecting "self" from predators but from pain. Mostly, we try to generate a level of resistance to the pain of some decisions, the pain of other people's evil acts towards us, the hurt and damage inflicted by others or by oneself; these things make us generate such behaviors and or attitudes that somewhat protect us from such emotional turbulence.

I had one. One defense mechanism, I did have one. Well, maybe more than one but the one I took a lot of time and energy to generate was towards other people. I just had this awkward thought that "they'll always leave". So, I try not to be too attached to people or situations because I am or can be extremely emotional. I thought it was a weakness or that when people notice, they'll take advantage of it. That is absolutely true but now, I have discovered that there's nothing wrong with being "emotional". As a matter of fact, I think the strongest people are the emotional people. Not trying to gloat, just saying!
 Having discovered that, I broke down that "defense" and I put myself out there. Like there is nothing I can't handle but, instead of hiding from it, I'll face it head on! 

It's been great! I'll tell you! It's not easy but it doesn't make me feel weak anymore. Late last year, I had to bid a friend farewell, after the goodbyes, I caught myself crying uncontrollably! I was literally out of control and that has never happened to me before. We definitely have social media and mobile phones to keep in touch but, what was the tearing up for?

I wish I have answers but I don't. I just know that it felt good putting out the right emotion at the right time. I didn't cry in front of her because it would have been awkward. What if I started crying and she started crying and we are both crying and there's not enough condolence for us both? Lol!

What I am driving at is: what is the purpose of that emotional wall? That defense mechanism... what does it stand to accomplish for you?

It is okay to feel hurt and pain and anger and love but to not feel or act like you don't, it is not okay.

I get it! Been there, done that and I can say; there is nothing wrong with being emotional. That said, I am not too emotional.

Okay.... maybe I am, maybe I'm not! I wouldn't know because I haven't found a scale that can measure emotions. I just know that there is nothing wrong with being emotional.

There is a misconception that people perceive emotional people as weak and vulnerable. I'll tell you what, only a damaged person can have such inconceivable perception.

We say "the world is a wicked place" but, it won't be a wicked place without human beings in it.

So, at the end, "human beings", you and I, are the reason for its wickedness.

We break, damage, hurt and tear apart beauty in its raw form to make ourselves feel better but, is there any "better" in shattering someone else?

Think about it.

The world will be a better place if we can love genuinely, smile genuinely and be genuine in all we do.

It is a matter of choice.

Make the right one today.

I wish we could all find a way to show some love.

Make it a duty to show more love this year.

It begins with you!

It begins with me!

Happy new year once more!

With love,

Rita _R