Blank pages

Guys,

Let us take a moment to talk about memories.

Bad memories!

Growing up, I formed a habit of forgetting bad and terrible things that happen to me.

To me, it is a way of dealing with the pain. I thought it was easier to forget. That way, one doesn’t have to deal with the pain at all.

But guess what..

I discovered that in a bid to forget

the whole incident, I forget some of the good memories also. I feel so awkward when others are reminiscing on a good event which I was part of and I can’t remember. Often times, my sister will say “Rita you hardly forget so how can you forget this one thing?”

Then, I started to keep a journal. 

In 2014, an event occurred. It was painful and depressing but I wrote it down in my journal with a coded language only I could understand. However, the day after the event is completely blank even in my journal. There was nothing about it, only a blank page. I can’t remember what happened that day.

Few days after that, my family friend with whom I was staying at the time, asked me what happened to me days before. I became confused, wondering what happened and the only thing he said was: I was off. I went back to my journal and all I could see was a blank page. In my head was also a blank page but, the day before was filled with a coded language. 

I then put the pieces together after reading through the event in the journal. I actually forgot about the event until I went back to my journal.

Now, I have a memory of the event but the day after that is still a blank page. It then dawned on me that: every good memory I have forgotten is due to a deliberate attempt to forget a terrible event that happened almost or at the same time.

Something interesting: no matter how terrible an event is, there is something to learn from it.

Honestly, when I went through my journal at that time, I broke down. I thought “oh my God! Rita how do you deal with this?” 

Good news; I got through it!

At a time I even thought there was something wrong with me but, there is something wrong only with the person who does something terrible to you. There is something wrong with the world when it can’t bring forth good tidings and, there is something wrong with you when you do something terrible to someone else.

Since then, I wouldn’t want to intentionally remember a bad event but, I always attach a lesson to every bad event so, whenever it resurfaces even as a memory, I remember the lesson and I smile because I can channel something good from something bad.

I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense but, it makes sense.

We have memories for a reason. One cannot defeat a memory but can certainly defeat the negative effect of a terrible memory.

Remember this: every terrible thing you go through, as long as you get through it, it can only make you stronger.

Don’t let your memories cause you pain but, don’t run away from going through it either.

After you go through it, it becomes a harmless memory and a lesson learned.

I don’t keep journals anymore. I want to effortlessly remember every event and, I don’t have blank pages anymore.

*smiles*

Special thanks to “The Real” for inspiring this post.

Wishing you all the best 

With Love,

Rita_R